Saturday, January 10, 2009
I don't Wanna, But I Gotta!!! A Story I do not really want to share!!! My Journey towards a Goal!!!
The Next two posts are the same post, but the 1st one was not formatting the way I needed it to, and so I re-did it, but I did not want to delete it because I already had two encouraging comments so I am leaving it.!!!! LOL!!!
Well, I know that the beginning of the year everyone always has those Pesky Resolutions. I have never made any before, but this year I am going to.
One in particular is nagging and nagging at me it is something that is always at the back of my mind and controls almost everything I do these days. I have to loose some weight. Here is my Story.
I have an 18 month old son, and I had just turned 32 when I had him. With both the girls I lost the weight 60 plus pounds with Piper at 27 yrs old, and about 40 pounds with Willow at 29 years old. Both times I lost the weight relatively easy with Breast feeding for some reason Breast Feeding for me calculates into loosing 70 pounds (I know that is nothing to complain about).
I have lost the 70 pounds all three pregnancy's.
But there is more to the story this time around.
With Piper that 70 pounds with Breast Feeding, was just right and got me to pre-pregnancy when she was between 6 and 8 months old.
With Willow I had lost the 40 pounds by the time she was 10 weeks old, and another 30 after that and it was way too much I got to looking awful too skinny actually. At the time I did not attribute it to breast feeding, we thought something was really wrong with my health I kept loosing weight and loosing weight, but looking back now I know that was what it was because not long after I got done breast feeding I started gaining the extra 30 pounds back pretty quickly. I gained the full extra 30 lbs back. Part of the reason I only gained 40 lbs with Willow was because I was so cautious after gaining so much with Piper that I walked on my treadmill every day and I would not eat ice cream when everyone else did and I did not give into many of those cravings I had. I did not want to gain almost 70 lbs again! Then it all came off so easy and so fast with Willow.
So when I was pregnant with Tucker I did not watch things as closely or walk on my treadmill much at all because I remembered how easy it was with Willow.
Well with Willow I was still in my 20's and with Tucker I was in my 30's big difference!!!
The Beginning of the Problem:
After Tucker it took me a year to get back to my Pre-Pregnancy weight. I was so happy when I finally hit it, that I just allowed myself to keep eating, and eating all the sweets and candy I wanted! I was rewarding myself for finally getting to that pre-pregnancy weight.
Two problems at this point.
1. Right before I got pregnant with Tucker I gained 10 lbs. So even when I got down to that pre-pregnancy weight I actually was still 10 pounds more than I wanted or needed to be. 2. When I celebrated and ate whatever I wanted I quickly put back on another 10 pounds and since then another 5 to 8 more depending on the day and time.
So now I range between 15 and 18 pounds more than that pre-pregnancy weight and in all actuality between 25 and 28 lbs more than where I need to be. I am mad at myself because I hit that pre preg weight and I let myself get back to where I am now!!!! With the girls I lost the weight early enough after having them that Breast Feeding helped me keep my lost wieght at a stable place for a while before I was done. This time it took me so long that once I finally lost the weight that extra boost from Breast Feeding was gone. I know I need to start exorcising, and get going, I just really do not want to!!!
Part of my Solution:
Well several Fellow Stampers out there are kicking their behinds into gear and just doing it. Including Kimmie from - Crafting for Sanity blog, Jami from - Stamp Happy Blog, and Sarah from - Scrappin Mama Blog. They are trying to build up support teams to make us all accountable and keep us encouraged and motivated.
So I am going to jump on this band Wagon even though I really do not want to!!! I need to, and I feel horrible about myself and the way I see myself in the mirror, and in my clothes and this is just going to have to be my time to get moving!!! Part of the problem is with the 3 little ones my energy is drained most days and finding the time is just really hard for me. I can barely find the time to keep up with the things I need to, and the stamping I have now found important to my Sanity, so trying to make the time for Exorcise will not be easy!!!
We want one more baby, I have always wanted 4 kids!!! I refuse to get pregnant before I have lost at least the first 15 pounds or it will be that much harder next time, and I have found that once you hit that 30 year mark it is just so much harder to loose weight!!!! So I am 33 if I want to be done at 35 I have to loose the weight and have that baby!!!!! LOL
Most of us read or have read Lauren Meader's Blog and she has done it as well she has lost a lot of weight. Lauren is a little bit lucky though because she is 5' 11" and she can weigh a lot more than my 5' 5" frame can hold comfortably!!!! She has worked hard though and is feeling pretty good right now. So I know I can do it too, I just have to get started.
So tomorrow I am going to do it. I am going to force myself to find the time to exorcise and eat less sweets, and get started on making myself feel better about myself and make me want to get dressed up and go places and not feel horrible about myself when I do.
So there is my story as much as I do not want to own up to it I am, and I am going to let these lovely stampers keep me motivated until I reach my goal!!!
I have added a Weight Loss Ticker to my side Bar along with the Link to Kimmie's I'm a Diamond in the Rough Stampers Support group!
Are you where I am???? Maybe you want to join us too??? It will not be easy and I am already a week behind them, but I am starting now!!!!
Ha now it is out, and I have to get going! I feel better already!!! That was a Hard story to put out there because once I say it and write it down I am forced to do something about it!!! So far only my two good friends and SU down lines and my best friend in Colorado know my story. So it was easier to commiserate with them then to actually do somthing about it!!!!
Wish Me Luck!!! Have a Stampendous Night.